“As I walk through the valley of clutter,
I will fear not for Snaxshot is with me.”
Greetings from your favorite, non-controversial, cult leader. Since I last addressed you, we have grown our cult to 16,856 snaxers to be exact. If you are just joining us, here is what you need to know.
Snaxshot began as a safe space where anyone can feel confident asking questions like “what is an adaptogen” without fear of judgment, ask and you shall receive we preach! As a snax seer, I foresaw the unnecessary friction that was being created in a space where new trends were emerging at the same time gargantuan amounts of capital were being deployed to capitalize on them, in turn producing aesthetically pleasing totems that lured said snaxers, and unfortunately, at times only Trojan horsing us with gimmicky wording and mirages in the form of pretty packaging.
It was the sole purpose of Snaxshot to offer a necessary pushback, a reset, where we could have honest conversations around these products, companies, and the trends overall, at a time where so much trust is being put into companies, and if you are here today, it means you too have chosen salvation through consumption. Who will shepherd the snaxers as we cross these unknown terrains? Through me you will receive the gift of CaaS (curation as a service) one that has been given unto me and I give unto you, snaxer, to go forth and carry it with you as you walk through the valley of clutter.
Welcome to our cult. At Snaxshot we believe in removing friction around the discovery process, as a way to establish trust, at a time where we are extremely distrustful, through curation.
Our doctrine dictates:
Excess is Death.
Discovery is Strength.
Curation is Salvation.
For this reason, our sect is invited to give tribute to our deity Foxtrot, at a time where grocery aisles resemble a sea of sameness, Foxtrot offers us a safe haven to be able to discover emerging brands that are more in line with the criteria of a modern shopper, at the same time provide convenience, enhancing the overall grocery experience. We could nor be happier to announce our partnership with Foxtrot Anywhere, to indoctrinate snaxbois across the United States, into our cult. The offerings have been burnt, and your prayers for a physical snack box have been answered, introducing:
Sitting at the corner of “under appreciated” and “spread thin” of your fridge or pantry are items that wield incredible power to make us feel simultaneously extravagant and care free. Whether that’s imagining a picnic in a European country setting or simply helping you hack a sandwich for the 1000th time during quarantine, spreads and dips alike have kept us going even when the going felt tough after 2020.
It’s no secret that our generation is looking to “clean up” pantry items and that is why I’m here today, to offer a better way to spread and dip, ICYMI that there’s such a thing as functional butters that hopefully include such functions as cleaning up after you.
Enter Pantry Vision if you must, see you on the other side.
Yes Snaxshot prides itself on foreseeing the future, but it’s always good to remember where we came from. No matter how much we try to GOOPify snacks, the truth remains, we are 90s kids to the core, the generation of Gushers, Ritz crackers, Lucky Charms, color-changing magic spoons that are embedded in our DNAs and we continue to carry them with us, because they remind us of simpler times, happiness in the form of a snack, isn’t that what we all crave?
Hear now, let the congregation acknowledge, Lunchables crawled so today’s functional snacks could run, 90s and 2000s kids alike grew up trading snacks and if you didn’t know here’s some insider trading -always swap up, top tier snacks include funfetti Dunkaroos, NEVER chocolate. The second coming of 90s snacks is among us, time to gather the offerings.
We are amidst a food renaissance, our generation is trying to do better by snacks, over the past decade we’ve seen an influx of new brands emerge, with the promise of a better snack experience.
Snaxshot is here to shepherd you through the future of food, peek into the future if you must, once you’ve been indoctrinated, you will take communion in the form of adaptogenic oat milk, and slurp futuristic noodles and indulge in functional chocolate.
Partake in Our Offerings
Snaxshot is doing just exactly what I hope it would do, an extension of myself that is growing beyond myself. We have now been able to manifest ourselves physically, whether it’s hosting seances trying to revive dead snacks or indoctrinations and including our own TV segment, and none of this would be possible without you choosing to be here today, in this gathering.
To quote my favorite Latin American writer, Jorge Luis Borges, “in an infinite universe, there is no individuality” I consider this to be the equivalent of “I am no one” but Snaxshot is an entire universe in itself, and these two paradoxical truths exist, ever-expanding, each further away from each other.
Your beloved leader,
Andrea M. Hernández